LOL. Wow. I am laughing at the title to this blog. Got a big smile on my face right now. Trying to figure out which direction I am getting ready to go…in life and with these few words. My intimate relationships can be divided into two categories. The first category is Trevor. My daughter’s father and my first love. The second and only other category would be called post Trevor, which also consists of one person.
My first love ended when Trevor was killed over 16 years ago. My second love ended when the love we had died. Not necessarily a permanent death, but one that had been looming over us possibly since the beginning. We were just too much in love to see.
So I walk into the bookstore to leave some flyers for an event I am doing next week. I ask the friendly and talkative bookstore owner and sistafriend to recommend a book for me to read. I just finished reading the new Walter Mosley book and I needed a good follow-up. I get so inspired when I read authors who have become masters at weaving the word on paper. I didn’t want to come down from the high I was on by choosing a book that would not raise it higher.
I asked her about Bernadette McFadden, one of my favorite literary writers. Her books are what joy and pain are made of. They let you know… and feel that you cannot have one without the other. Having read all of her books…I read somewhere that she had taken on a pseudonym and was writing more racy fiction instead of her literary masterpieces that I had come to know. Well. So I asked my sister friend at the bookstore if she was familiar with her pseudonym which I could only imagine she created to keep up with all these fly by night and day authors who popped up over the last 10 years becoming best sellers with books short of literary excellence and heavy on scandal and sex.
She took me right to her book. And proceeds to graphically describe the great merits of the book. And she’s kinda loud. “It’s racy she says”, “Lotta sex”. OMG I’m thinking to myself. Do I have my “I haven’t had sex for years t shirt on today”. There is sex she says, but its’ “good sex” the realistic kind that you would actually have looking me dead in the face as if to say…”you need to go out and have some”. “Lord have mercy” I think to myself and there is another brother in the store. I’m wondering if he can hear her. I’m wondering does he know me? LOL.
Ok I say quietly. Hoping she will stop there. “it’s not like Zane” and those other books getting louder. It’s better. But its’ “juicy”. I am so completely embarrassed at this point.
I’m not sure why. Maybe because I haven’t had much experience in that area. Yep, for the last 25 years of my life I’ve had only 2 intimate relationships and both of them were filled with bountiful, beautiful, life changing LOVE. I am still in love with Kenya’s father…maybe that’s why I waited about 15 years before I opened myself up again to that type of love.
And now I get to start all over again. I get to apply the lessons of my last two loves and build a greater love with myself and with him who awaits.
Yea. Getting my groove back….
